That’s All I’ll Ever Become

I just happened upon this song.

I was drawn in by its melody and the singer’s soulful voice. (It is on youtube. William Price. That’s All I’ll Ever Become)

But it was these four lines…

I wanna live to the second last day that my children do

Selfishly so I can see them through

And all that they become

That’s all I’ll ever become

… that took me back to a morning conversation I had written about in Dawson’s Gift.

Just as I was about to leave for my walk, a neighbor called. She said she had seen me walking many mornings and asked if she could join me. I told her I would meet her at the end of her driveway. As we walked, she told me she had been thinking of Bill and me and was feeling so bad for us. She said, “This is not the way it is supposed to be. It is not meant for the child to go before the parents.”

“That’s true,” I said. “Yes, had I gone first, I would have been spared this terrible pain, but if I had died before Dawson, I would not have been there for him when he needed me. I would rather endure my agony, than to have had Dawson go through his suffering without me by his side. He was not too old to need his mother and I am just so thankful I was able to be there for him.”

So I could see him through
And all that he became…